I Am Not SPAM…

I mean, I am not an internet spammer…er, an internet scammer. Right! I am not an internet scammer. I’m innocent. I’m just looking for a date.

My dating life, yes. I don’t typically divulge too much about it here on this blog, because I’m simply not so bold! But every now and then something comes along that I just know my friends will appreciate. They love to hear of my latest adventures—the good, the bad and the ugly. And [to an extent] I love to share. It’s the least I can do to repay them for the time they spend drooling with me when there’s romance, advising me when there’s confusion and most importantly laughing with me when things blow up in my face—like the computer glitch I found out about yesterday.

I mean computer glitch as in online dating. I’m not bashful. We’re a month away from 2011—who’s not doing it? So, the story actually starts a couple of weeks ago when a handsome suitor sent me a note to say hello. I took a look at his profile, thought it was great, replied, and then boom—a few nights later we met for early drinks. At seeing him, I was immediately pleased with his smile and at looking south, his Limited Edition 75th Anniversary Archival Collection Sperry Top-Sider sneakers. What did you think I was going to say? Anyway, as the date progressed it was apparent that this guy was a winner—funny, friendly, driven, as I mentioned, handsome, and as you may have gathered, a great dresser. My instincts on this one were right. To be fair, I didn’t feel any butterflies, or that slightly different but equally telling melting sensation that comes with wanting to kiss him and hug him and have lots of his babies. But the whole time I was thinking: yes, I would definitely like to see him again.

Nothing wrong with knowing what you want even if you don’t get it, right? The way it ended, I’ve concluded he wasn’t feeling the same, looking across the table at me. First there was the date ending after two beers because ‘he had other plans’, then the lackluster goodbye, and then in response to my email the next day: ‘thanks for date how about drinks next week?’, a probable white lie about wanting to focus on someone else he’d met. Whatev! Life goes on. Perhaps there really is something to be said for dating within your own age bracket. (Mr. Cute Suit—don’t ask me why this is his nickname; it just is!—is [not quite, but] on the verge of pushing fifty– more than twelve years my senior.)

Anyway, back to the computer glitch…

Imagine my surprise when yesterday at lunch (and mind you, this is over a week after my date with Cute Suit), I see an email alert from the dating website we met on that he has sent me a message. I’m processing this, thinking he must have sent something in response to my [cordial] response to his response [about wanting to focus on someone else]. My heart began to race just slightly and I felt the tiniest ray of hope lighten my face. Why on Earth would he be continuing our chat? What more was there to say? Is it possible he had a change of heart? I hoped. And then I scrambled to log into my mailbox.

And there it was. The message every girl is dying to find.

“Just a quick note. I forgot to tell you before.”

Tell me what? I’m thinking. What is going to say? My eyes read on.

“I thought I should let you know…when I write you here, just before I hit send, a message in big red letters pops up warning me that you might be an internet scammer. Since we have met, I know you are not but if others don’t know, it might prevent them from writing. Seems there is a bit of a glitch. Maybe tech support can fix it for you. Take care. –C.S.”


So here we are in the 21st century with our smartphones and ipads and above them all, our glorious world wide web. Long gone are the days of giving guys our numbers on matchbooks, when our excuse for them not calling was that they must have lost the matches. Now with our phones we can give and take peoples’ numbers right there on the spot. Such ease these tech toys have brought us, yes. But let us not forgot the glitches. Let us not forget that technology has its flaws. Let us not forget—because dating isn’t challenging enough as it is—that right when you think you’re cool, you just might be the butt of a programming malfunction that’s inadvertently sabotaging your efforts of finding love online– or even a date for God’s sake.

Is there any point in me trying to investigate how many hyptothetical romances this lovely glitch might have botched? Probably not. But for the record– all you suitors who are aching to write me: I am not SPAM. I mean…I am not a scam.


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4 thoughts on “I Am Not SPAM…

  1. aoife says:

    I love that you called him Mr. Cute Suit. Perfect!

    • Hamza says:

      Hello Ms. Andrea,

      The Chicken Soup newsletter has sent me a wonderful story, but it was incomplete. The story is ‘The Third Banquet’ and it was written by Andrea Fecik and I guess you are the one who wrote it, right? If you are the one, please email me the complete story to read it over the weekend and send you my feedback.

      Best regards,
      Hamza Balol
      Saudi Arabia

  2. Jodi says:

    I would do online dating too the only way to get what you want is to go after it. I heard in new york city is it tough to find good guys. The guy I share an office with met his wife doing it.

  3. Kate says:

    You always have me chuckling, Dre. You are too funny!

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